In the 1930s, Alfred Krzybski proposed that we cannot completely understand reality because our knowledge of the world must be filtered through the limitations of our mind and our language. This was a scientific explanation of Paul’s declaration in I Corinthians that we “see through a glass darkly.” Krzybski’s point was that models, maps, and words can never do more than approximate the world around us. He summarized this by saying “the map is not the territory.”
I heard this phrase last week from a client who was starting the process of administering his wife’s estate. As a teacher for many decades, he taught his students that learning how to do something is different from doing it. As we went through the issues he was about to face, he observed that planning for death was not the same as experiencing the death of a loved one.
Talking about hard issues is an important part of estate planning. Your plan should accomplish your goals. You should understand it. And it must work when tested. But it is just a map. Creating an effective power of attorney does not make it easy to watch your spouse lose the ability to communicate with you. Deciding on a marital deduction clause does not prepare you for waking up alone. When you are experiencing the death or disability of a loved one, you don’t need family dynamics, taxes, or surprises to make it harder. The map is not the territory. But the better the map, the easier it is to navigate the territory.