I am always surprised at the creative things that people find to argue about. I have litigated almost every kind of dispute imaginable – and some that you could not make up. Disagreements between family members after a loved one’s death are often the most damaging. The anxiety of dealing with the death of a family member can push already tenuous relationships to the breaking point. The toll of the litigation is not always just high blood pressure and attorney fees. Sometimes it is the permanent destruction of relationships. Cars, guns, jewelry, joint bank accounts, and the family farm have ended countless family connections.
I cringe when I hear “Mama promised that to me” and “I know what my father wanted.” Even if those statements are true, they almost never matter. They can also indicate emotionally charged anger at family, the legal system, and the world. These problems are often caused when a parent makes a promise but takes no steps to make sure that it will be fulfilled. They can also be the result of a misunderstanding or bad planning. You should not assume anything. A few written words can avoid a lot of problems. Don’t be the reason your children never speak to each other again. It is easy to let everyone know for certain what you wanted and put it in an enforceable written form. We do it every day.